the other man... ha!

so i promised stories. i know i did. so here we go. let me see if i can quote myself:

tune in next time for the story of the knife on the bus, the trip to the movies, the unexpected visitor and the new security guard. i'll give you a hint. all of these involve kage's father (did i mention i'm his step-dad?). and they are all highly amusing. wait. that's not what i meant to say. the man is dick. that's what i meant.

knife on the bus. i guess it was not on the bus, but at the bus stop. so the two oldest, kage and fox (not real names, remember), get off the bus. there's this troublemaker who rides the bus. supposedly, this boy has a broken knife, that they and all these other kids saw fall out of his pocket. i learn of this as i pull in my driveway, only to find their father, who shall be known as Reuben, waiting for me.

"obviously, you can't be gotten on the phone at work," he says to me.

"well, i do work in a secure environment," i say, "but i do actually carry a cell phone."

"funny, grim," he says. then he goes on to tell the story, as if he was there, and possibly wielding the knife himself. then he has to show it to me. its a broken knife. i get it. then he has to scrape it on his nail, to show me that it is sharp. i get it. then he has to tell me that we live in this small town, not "chicago", or "new york", emphasizing them, as if they are giant metropolises that i've never heard of before. he's going to the cops, he says. get this boy expelled, he says. drives away. as of the following week, he never made it to the police. said he reported it to the school.

my opinion, and my wife shares this: no one really saw it fall out of his coat. in fact my eldest says she found it on the ground. no one really knows what the truth is. its been reported to the school. good. they can keep an eye out. my kids are friends with this boy one week, enemies the next. they know to keep an eye out also.

next, the trip to the movies.

so my wife wants to take the kids to the movies. we make plans to pick the kids up at a specific time, take them to the theater. reuben does not specify, when he picks them up the day before, that he has moved to his new place. so in the morning, we end up taking a thirty-minute trip instead of a ten-minute trip to pick up the children. thank you, reuben. then, when we arrive, none of the children are dressed, in fact the oldest is actually in the shower. thanks reuben.

"i guess you should have planned better, grim." that was his response. are you fucking kidding me?

we made it to the movie, barely. it was alice in wonderland. the kids loved it. me, not so much. others agree with me.

the unexpected visitor: reuben showing up at my front door, after school one day, to let me know that he had been to the school, and reported this boy, hoping to ruin the lives of everyone involved. then he told kage to just keep his mouth shut from now on, and to just stay out of trouble. father of the year, this guy. i told him that wasn't really necessary. after he left, kage and i played xbox and ate snacks.

the new security guard, before he left, reuben offered to sit outside our house during the day (did i mention he doesn't work) to make sure that the kids don't screw around for the half-hour that they're home alone before my wife or i show up (did i mention he has no job?). i told him that wasn't necessary, and a bit creepy to boot. when i brought this up to all of the children, they heartily agreed.

i love my life. i love my family. all of this will be great in my autobiography.

until something changes, i remain grim.